Wednesday 29 September 2010

WOT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED,NO...WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?

GOT MY STAGE OUTFIT FOR TONITE......GOANIE TRY N LOSE TEN STONE IN THE VAN FROM BIRMINGHAM TO CARDIFF BY WORKING OUT LIKE A BITCH.....ID FUKING LOVE TO BE A PUMPKIN,SERIOUSLY,FOR REALZ.
NO,BUT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?
OH,WAIT.....WE JUST GOT A HALF PAGE ADD IN VICE MAGAZINE..SELLING OUT AGAIN GUYS,ITS FINE METALLICA DID IT EVERY NITE!
BEST TOUR MATES EVER........SERIOUSLY,FUKING LOVE THESE CUNTS,SO MUCH SO I SLAM ELBOWED SIMON IN BED LAST NITE IN MY SLEEP,ALSO HIT AKIKO,SHE NOW HAS A BLACK EYE FOR THE FINAL GIG OF THE TOUR TONITE....THE WEDDING / THE DIVORCED SHOW.
WE GOT OUR RIDER BEFORE WE EVEN PLAYED IN CARDIFF,WHAT A MISTAKE....WE TANKED A BOTTLE OF JD AND 25 BEERS BEFORE EVEN PLAYING,I WAS SO FUKED I THOUGHT I WAS IN SLAYER......VICKIE ATE A WHOLE NANA CAKE AND 10 CANS OF RED BULL,SHE WAS OFF HER TITS N PLAYED WITH A PACKET OF BACON STRAPPED OVER HER SHOULDERS N BACK.
NO BUT SERIOUSLY,WAIT,....WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?
GIG WAS PRETTY ANGRY AND AGGRESSIVE,EVEN THOUGH THE CROWD WERE A BIT SUBDUED...I WAS READY TAE FUKING PUNCH VICKIE.
THE CROWD.....I MISS GLASGOW AND LONDON CROWDS AS THEY DO HUMAN PYRAMIDS,I GUESS IF PEOPLE HAVENT SEEN YU BEFORE IT MAYBE FEELS A BIT AWKWARD DOING FORWARD ROLLS N STAR JUMPS N SHIT....MAYBE SECOND VISIT EH?
SIMONS LOOKING KINNA HOT WITH HIS WEE BOW TIE....I REALLY NEED TO GET HOME TO MY BIRD,SPENDING EVERY NIGHT IN BED WITH SIMON I THINK I MAY BE TURNING STRAIGHT...FUCK THAT SHIT!!!!!!...I THINK AKIKOS GROSS THOUGH...ALSO,WE ARE NOT A LESBIAN BAND !
ANDY FUKING LOVES DOING MERCH,BOOZE,FAGS AND TOURING...OH AND BIG BOOBS!
SIMON LOOKING GOOD AGAIN..KEEX IS SORTA OKAY.
HILLARY TRYING TAE LICK THE SPLASHY DREGS OF JD OFF THE TABLE,WE RAN OUTTA BOOZE AND WERE GAGGING ON HAVING EVEN A WIFF OF ALCOHOL....TOTAL ALKIES.
JEN AND JOHN THE PROMOTERS....LOVELY FOLKS!
JENS NANNA,SHE MADE THE FUKING AMAZING CAKE AND IS A MEGA GWAR FAN.....SHE IS FUKING COOL!
AKIKO IS NEARLY AS BIG AS THE NANA CAKE.....SHES ARIGHT,SHES A MEGA D.P FAN...SHE EVEN HAS IT IN HER POSTCODE.
KBS ...MORE LIKE FUKING IBS.......KEEX WAS IN THE TOILET FOR AN HOUR THIS MORNING.....I STUCK TO NAAN SHISH SALAD THING.....I FEEL DEAD FRESH TODAY WITHOUT A SORE BUM.
FRESH,DEAD BURNY,FRESH.....
BIG CUP AND A BIG FINGER.
BIG CUP AND A BIG DOSE OF VALIUM.....MHHHHHHHEEEEELTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
SIMON IN BED READY TO HAVE A BIG WANK WITH HIS BIG HAND.
I SAW A CATERPILLAR IN MULL,IT LOOKED A BIT COLD BUT I THINK IT WAS OKAY.
SO...ITS FINALLY HERE....TONITE IS THE VERY LAST SHOW WITH COMANECHI IN THE MARRIAGE OF FILTH TOUR,I HOPE LOTS OF FOLK TURN UP....IT SHOULD BE A GOOD YIN,WE ARE ALL FEELING SLIGHTLY MENTAL ,I FEEL A BIT EMOTIONAL,ANDY HAS HAD A SHOWER,WE STILL HAVE A WEE AMOUNT OF MERCH YU HAVE TO BUY SO WE CAN GET HOME......I MAY EVEN SELL MASELF TO GET THE PETROL MONIES .......DIVORCE AND COMANECHI LOVE YOU ALL.....SEE YU TONITE.

Tuesday 28 September 2010

AH FUKING LOVE TOURING,BEER,BITCHES AND SLAYER!

BIRMINGHAM....WHAT A LOVELY CITY.
UNTIL DIVORCE ARRIVES!!!!!!
PURE NEEDED A WEE SPOON SO I DID,FEELING A BIT UPSET ON THIS TENTH DAY OF THE TOUR....DEAD EMOTIONAL GUYS,NEEDED A CUDDLE FAE A BEAUTIFUL LASSIE.
C'MON YA DAFT BITCH...ILL BUY YOU A SMIRNOFF ICE IF YOU COME IN THE PUB WITH ME.
AFTER SAYING TAE THE BAND , EH WATCH OUT FOR ANY COPS..TURN ROUND THE CORNER TO THE BIGGEST FUKING COP SHOP IVE EVER SEEN....REDUCING CRIME AND DISORDER!!!!!!
SINEAD HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A POLICE WUMAN.
LOOK,MEAT WAGONS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE......
SIMONS SO FAR NEAR BREAKING POINT HE NEEDED DOUBLE ALE.
EVEN SINEAD NEEDED A WEE HALF.
VICKIE HAS ACTUALLY TURNED INTAE GAZZA NOW.
DONT WORRY JIM'LL FIX IT....FUCKING HOPE SO.
BURD IN THE BACKGROUND REMINDED ME OF SOMEONE.
BIG STONED PUPAE.
BIRMINGHAM GIG...APPARENTLY BLACK SABBATH PLAYED ON THE VERY SAME STAGE IN 77.
I CAME TO YOU ON BLOODY KNEES BENT DOUBLE WITH LOVE IN MY HEART.
SIMONS TAKING INFLUENCE FROM ALL THE METAL DOCUMENTARIES WE HAVE WATCHED IN THE VAN...NO MIDDLE EQ, ALL TOP N BOTTOM.....OH I LOVE A GUID BIT OF TOP AND BOTTOM.
THEY ALSO GOT A FUKING SMOKE MACHINE.....BASTARDS!!!!!
SUNNO)))....
SIMONO))))))))))...........
))0(( : POOPING BACK AND FORTH!!!!!!
TIME TRAVELLING BACK TAE 87 AGAIN......HEAVY METAL MUTHERFUKERS.
ACTUALLY FUCKING LOVE BROONTOON....WITHOUT HIM THIS TOUR WOULD'NAE HAVE HAPPENED...THANK YOU BROONTOON,WE LOVE YU HEN.
NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE THIS SPECIAL LADY.
C'MON HEN......GET UP,WE NEED TAE GO HAME...FUKING PURE EMBARRASSMENT ,HAD TAE GET HER IN A TAXI,COST ME 50 QUID FINE COZ SHE JOBBIED HERSELF ON THE SEAT.
FINALLY GOT NEW VANS,THE STINKING ONES FUSED TO MA FEET SO HAD TO GET THEM SURGICALLY REMOVED,HAVE LEFT A BIG SORE.
IVE BEEN EATING THE DRESSING,ITS PRETTY TASTY ACTUALLY,.....HMMMMM SEPTIC PUSS WRAP.
CARDIFF TONITE...ALREADY AWESOME,ALTHOUGH WALKING THROUGH TOWN FEELS LIKE IM ON THE SET OF HOLLYOAKS...LADDAS BITCHES.